4. For question #2, what did you do differently from the original post? Please outline, explain, and justify what you changed & why. Essentially, what did you learn from this new topic and what did you change and why. (8 Marks)
Answer:
For the revised post, I made significant changes to improve clarity, readability, and engagement while applying the Plain English writing principles and the F-pattern structure. Below, I will outline what I changed in each part of the post, explain why I made those changes, and what I learned from this process.
1. Headline
Original:
“EVERY PIECE HAS A PERESONALITY” (Contains a spelling error: “PERSONALITY”)
Revised:
“Express Yourself with Resin Creations”
What Changed & Why?
Made it more engaging and action-oriented: The original phrase was somewhat abstract. The revised version directly invites the reader to express themselves, making it more personal and engaging.
Included “Resin Creations”: This provides immediate clarity about the business, ensuring that the audience knows exactly what the brand offers.
Fixed the spelling error: This ensures professionalism and credibility.
2. Opening Line
Original:
“Welcome to Resins by Lashly , where every piece of handmade personalized resin-based products are crafted to become a masterpiece.”
Revised:
“Welcome to Resins by Lashly!”
What Changed & Why?
Shortened the sentence for impact: Instead of a long, complex sentence, I started with a short, warm greeting. This aligns with the F-pattern, where the first line should be concise and attention-grabbing.
Removed redundant words: The original opening had too many descriptive words packed into one sentence, which made it harder to scan quickly.
3. Introduction Paragraph
Original:
“And Our Collections include high quality home decor resins, personalized gift resins, resin accessories, resin Jewelry and DIY epoxy resins and supplies for lovers of crafted art and appreciate creativity. Whether you are interested accessorizing, creating or decorating, we create every piece to match your style.”
Revised:
“At Resins by Lashly, we believe every piece tells a unique story. Our handmade, personalized resin products are crafted to reflect your individuality. Whether you’re looking for beautiful home décor, unique accessories, stunning jewelry, or fun DIY kits, we’ve got something special for you.”
What Changed & Why?
More engaging and personal: The recent version directly addresses the reader by using “we believe” and “your individuality.” This makes it more inviting and emotionally appealing.
Simplified sentence structure: Instead of listing products in one long sentence, I broke it up into a natural, conversational flow, making it easier to read.
Used stronger, vivid words: Words like “unique story,” “reflect your individuality,” and “stunning jewelry” make the content more compelling.
4. Offer Section
Original:
“We Offer
High Quality pieces
Unique Creations
Premium Supplies
Full Personalized”
Revised:
What We Offer:
High-Quality Products – Crafted with care to last.
One-of-a-Kind Creations – Custom pieces made just for you.
Premium Supplies – Everything you need to create your own masterpieces.
Fully Personalized – Each item is made to match your style and personality.
What Changed & Why?
- Added a heading (“What We Offer”): This helps organize the content clearly in an F-pattern layout, making it easy to find.
- Used bullet points with descriptions: The original list was too generic. The revised version adds details to explain the value of each offer.
- Reworded for engagement: Instead of “High Quality pieces,” I wrote “High-Quality Products – Crafted with care to last.” This tells the reader why it matters.
5. Call to Action (CTA)
Original:
“Join Our Journey of Self Expression
Stay updated on every new collection, tutorials and exclusive promos.”
Revised:
“Create your own unique story.”
What Changed & Why?
Made the CTA more emotional and inspiring: The original CTA was passive and vague, while the new one is personal and action-driven.
Tied back to the brand message: The phrase “Create your own unique story” reinforces self-expression, aligning with the brand’s purpose.
What I Learned from This Process
Simplicity is key: Shorter sentences and clearer language improve readability and engagement.
F-pattern makes content easy to scan: The revised version has headings, bullet points, and white space to guide the reader’s eyes.
Personalization makes it more compelling: The new version speaks directly to the reader, making it feel more engaging and relatable.
A strong CTA drives action: Instead of just telling people to stay updated, the new CTA encourages them to participate and connect emotionally.
Final Thoughts
The revised post is more engaging, scannable, and action-driven. It better follows Plain English writing principles and the F-pattern, making it easier for readers to find what they need, understand it, and take action.